Diary of a Unicorn hunter

Competition Nine Shortlisted: Diary of a Unicorn Hunter by

Day 1

Went to town, bought new boots, shod horses, picked up tents and hired a virgin.

 

Day 2

Set out early. Fine weather – perfect for the hunt!

 

Day 3

Making good time. Virgin complaining about toilet conditions.

 

Day 4

Rain overnight. Tracks harder to follow. Virgin complaining about tents. Swapped tents to shut her up. Her tent smells of perfume.

 

Day 5

Made camp in view of mist-shrouded mountains. Virgin complaining about cold. Gave her my cloak. Lit fire. Still complaining. Sat with arm around her to shut her up.

 

Day 6

Found single hoof-print on emerald turf, bedecked with dew drops glistening like diamonds. Virgin complaining feet wet from dew. Helped her remove shoes and stockings to dry them.

 

Day 7

Sure quarry is near. Sharpened blade by glowing embers of fire until virgin complained the noise gave her a headache. Gave her a neck rub to shut her up.

 

Day 7

Spotted unicorn at dawn atop verdant hillside, flanks steaming, pure white pelt glowing in rays of sun. Called virgin to come and capture it; no response. Went to fetch her. Said she was asleep and what was I doing in here. Got tangled in discarded undergarment, brought tent down on both of us. Extricated myself and virgin, but creature gone. Cooked virgin breakfast to make amends for waking her up and for swearing.

 

Day 8

Discussed unicorn hunt with virgin last night. (Discussion, not fight.) Virgin went to her tent in a huff. Sharpened blade by glowing embers of fire until she came back to tell me to stop. Kissed her. Discussed whether catching a unicorn really important. Spent today with virgin in her tent.

 

Day 9

Returning to town. Will get refund on tents. Can use other gear for stag hunts. Virgin hire fee non-refundable.

 

 


 

 

Mary lives in Wellington, capital city of Aotearoa New Zealand. She writes flash fiction and short stories, and performs spontaneous theatre and stand-up. Her stories have been published by Reflex Fiction, Queer Sci Fi, Bath Flash Fiction, Grindstone and Best Small Fictions.

 

 

Photo by Ken Cheung on StockSnap

 

 

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