Safe1

Competition Sixteen Shortlisted: Safe by

Before bed you detach your heart, lock it in the safe and tumble into a deep, dreamless sleep.

 

In the morning the alarm rages and wrenches you awake. You stare at the bloom of mould on the ceiling for minutes, maybe lifetimes, and think about the stretch of day ahead – hour upon hour upon long, languid hour.

 

In your head you make a list of things you should do:

 

you should have a healthy breakfast,
you should cycle to work,
you should cut down on caffeine.
And you should reattach your heart.

 

In the bathroom you stand under the shower. Warm water pitter patters, imprinting you should you should you should on your bare skin. You turn off the tap. Wrapped in a towel you sit on the edge of the bed and stare at a redundant telegraph pole, weathered and worn, against a dense grey sky.

 

People say work is a good distraction. People say drink lots of water. People say stick to a routine. You tried all those things.

 

Finally, the doctor suggested Nightly Heart Removal. To help you sleep.

 

People say time is a great healer. People say you have to process your emotions before you can move on.

 

People will say anything to avoid saying something.

 

Every night you set your alarm, knowing every morning you should fill the gaping hole in your chest. You should you should you should do so many things. You can’t. Won’t.

 

You place your palm on the cold metal of the safe. Inside, your heart. Beating. And unlike the ripping pain of childbirth you can no longer reenact, without your heart you cannot feel your loss.

 

But some days feeling nothing is the only way to heal.

 

 

 


 

 

Laura Besley is the author of (Un)Natural Elements, 100neHundred and The Almost Mothers. She has been widely published in online journals, print journals and anthologies, including Best Small Fictions (2021). Her work has been nominated for the Pushcart Prize, twice nominated for Best Micro Fiction and she has been listed by TSS Publishing as one of the top 50 British and Irish Flash Fiction writers. She is an editor with Flash Fiction Magazine and is currently a Creative Writing MA student at the University of Leicester. Having lived in the Netherlands, Germany and Hong Kong, she now lives in land-locked central England and misses the sea.

@laurabesley

@laurabesley.bsky.social

 

Artwork by S @FFF

Background image by Rob Pearce on flickr

 

 

 

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