Fifth Time’s a Charm by Abbie Doll

*****I found your card on the counter.
*****Happy anniversary. The fifth celebrates everything “wood”—as in, gimme some wood, sugar; as in, we got roots, darlin’; as in, we done weathered some storms, huh?
*****Yeah, hon, sure. Nice sentiment, but why’re you MIA today?
*****A pile of unwrapped odds and ends surrounded it. Like you forgot, then went full beaver-mode, unearthing every last bit of loose wood the house had to offer, before assembling it here into this messy miniature dam. Which is sweet, I suppose…for a beaver.
*****Item number one? Two sets of takeout chopsticks, BIBIBOP branded, that’ve been loitering in the cutlery drawer since our last visit. Okay, sure, they hoard ‘em behind the counter, so you had to ask, I’ll give you that; but come on, that was months ago. Minimal effort at best.
*****Beneath those lay a new box of toothpicks. No, no, no need to explain; I had a poppy seed stuck in my teeth before bed last night, totally get it. I flossed right after I ate, but whatever, we both know you can’t stand that shit. Hmm, who made the muffins? Oh yeah, me. Gimme a break. Next time, why don’t you grab a box of popsicle sticks, and we can reenact “A Scooter for Yaksmas” instead. Ren & Stimpy, yeah. I know, I know, that reference is lost on you.
*****Moving on. I see you left me some spent incense sticks (why), a few dirty bamboo stakes I use to prop plants up (which aren’t even wood, dude—we’ve been over this), and a pile of sawdust from the garage. That ain’t nothin’ but a mess for me to clean.
*****Haven’t seen you since breakfast by the way…which you skipped—remember? All so you could fix this missing slab of baseboard behind the fridge; it’s been that way since the day we moved in, and I literally never think about it, but okay, Hank Hill, thanks.
*****The chores didn’t halt there though, oh no. The cottonwood out back dropped a branch the size of a sectional, and you were kind enough to let me break it down. I like the snap of dry wood and all, but that was nuts. Say it like Daggett. From Angry Beavers, yeah. Sorry, more beaver talk.
*****Yeah, you’re right. You oughta know that by now. Even in my head, you don’t get my references. Why is that?
*****The proverbial cherry on top, though, was getting to chop dinner for one on a brand-new cutting board. My, oh, my—the privilege of inaugural use! Well, new to me. I saw you pull it out of the wreckage of your dad’s condo the other day, but we’ll let that one slide since he just died.
*****At this point, I don’t wanna tell you what I got you.
*****…Well, made you. The sawdust, remember? Did it even cross your mind?

Abbie Doll is a Columbus, OH writer with an MFA from Lindenwood University. Her work has been featured in places such as Door Is a Jar Magazine, The Journal, and 3:AM Magazine, and has been nominated for The Best Small Fictions, Best Microfiction, and the Pushcart Prize, as well as longlisted for The Wigleaf Top 50. She serves as a Fiction Editor at Identity Theory. Connect on socials BluSky – @abbiedollwrites.bsky.social, X – @AbbieDollWrites

Photo curtesy of Abbie Doll