Neighborhood Watch by Jaryd Porter

I walked outside to grab the morning newspaper, enjoying the plastic suburban life. I lived next door to school superintendents, police sergeants, and lawyers. I’m an emergency electrician, so I work weird hours. Sleep throughout the day, respond to calls at night. I don’t talk to these people.

“Help.”

I sipped my coffee. I had no idea where that voice came from.

“Help.”

I looked up and spotted a pair of boots dangling over my gutters, attached to a paunchy man with a bushy mustache which his little, nasally voice betrayed.

“Jesus H. Fuck.” I stepped back.

“Civilian, I need an assist.” My husband told me about these people, but they all seemed like Guess-Who-types. Those little pictures you stare at and quickly forget about.

“You must be Dave.” My husband had warned me about the police sergeant who was the “captain” of the neighborhood watch. He described Dave as gung-ho, not Officer Farva from Super Troopers.

“Why are you on my roof, Dave?” I asked.

Dave nodded. “Wilma Thudd, the elderly woman across the way, reported seeing dark men crawling around on your roof.” 

“Dark men?”

“Men dressed darkly.”

“I see one darkly dressed man on my roof, Dave.”

“I botched the op. Can you get me a ladder, neighbor?”

“If you don’t have a ladder, how did you get on my roof?” I asked.

“You’re on a need-to-know basis, civvie.”

I walked around to my backyard. Dave’s ladder laid on my lawn, sweating with morning dew. I circled around to the front, sipping my coffee.

“I’ll see what I can do.” I headed inside and put on another pot of coffee. I’d let Dave sit up there for another hour or so. I hated providing emergency support for free.

Jaryd Porter is a writer from Lawrence, Kansas who writes about identity, perception, and intersectionality. He has an MFA in Creative Writing Fiction from Wichita State University and is currently studying to earn his PhD in Creative Writing from Oklahoma State University. His previously published works include “Obama Black” at Fleas on the Dog and Fiction on the Web, “That Sinking Feeling” at JAKE, and “Dance of Hours” at Feign.

Illustration by A. Reeder

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