The Snorkenmeeger by Arthur Shattuck O'Keefe
It was a revolutionary new theory of unimpeachable argument, underscored by the authentic lived experience of its originator.
Professor K, whose field was English literature, had long declared his views on a variety of topics ostensibly related to other disciplines (upon which he deemed his own research to have given him special insight): economics, technological history, international diplomacy, interior decorating, and so on.
This time, he went a step further in declaring at a conference before his assembled colleagues: “I am a snorkenmeeger.”
He went on to explain that the public recognition of the existence of snorkenmeegers, and of their unique insights and contributions to human society, were of paramount importance. Requests for public funding for snorkenmeeger-related research would henceforth be carried out.
His presentation was met with thunderous applause. As the Q&A session began, one woman in the audience, Professor W (whose field was also English literature), asked:
“What is a snorkenmeeger?”
“Why would you ask that question?” replied Professor K.
“I’d just really like to know.”
“What do you think the answer is?”
“Well, I’m asking you for the answer. You have declared the existence of snorkenmeegers, and that you are one. So, what is a snorkenmeeger?”
“It is a simple answer. A snorkenmeeger is a person who identifies as a snorkenmeeger.”
“But specifically, what is such a person identifying as?”
“As a snorkenmeeger.”
“But what is that?”
“I just told you.”
Within a week after this exchange, a petition calling for the revocation of Professor W’s tenure, signed by over two hundred of her colleagues, was sent to the president of her university.
Arthur Shattuck O’Keefe was born in New York and lives in Kanagawa, Japan. His debut novel The Spirit Phone was released in 2022 by BHC Press. His short fiction has appeared in Johnny America, ScribesMICRO, Ragazine, The Stray Branch, and Flash Fiction Magazine.
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Image courtesy of Arthur Shattuck O’Keefe
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