Boring Sex by Crockett Doob
****I say I like boring sex, but secretly, I think that means I don’t have boring sex, just slow sex. Good sex. Like Jami Attenberg writes about. Long, too.
****Long, slow, good sex. Does that sound boring?
****Let’s face it, it does.
****I mean life’s been feeling long and slow and sometimes good lately–sexless, too–and that can be pretty boring.
****I hit it off with a woman at a wedding and we ended up talking on a couch for a while. Nothing sexual happened, besides talking about it. In fact, as soon as we started talking about sex, I knew it was off the table and I could relax.
****I told her, “I’m very boring. Not kinky.”
****She told me that what a lot of people think of as kinks are not kinks. They’re simply what they like. “Like anal,” she said. “Anal is just a type of sex. It’s not a kink. Kinky is more a mindset.”
****She told me the difference between a kink and a fetish. “Having a fetish means you can’t get off without doing your kinks.”
****I told her the hottest sex I’ve ever had was when I was convinced the woman hated me and that her boyfriend could walk in at any moment.
****I told her the most relaxing sex I’ve ever had was when I knew she was leaving me.
****“I think you may be kinky.”
****“I think you may be right.”
****But now I worry about what she didn’t say, what she might have been thinking: that these are not kinks. I have a fetish. Which means I can’t have sex without my kinks. Or I can, but the sex would be boring.
Crockett Doob’s work has been published in Vol. 1 Brooklyn, Newtown Literary, HiLoBrow, and featured on the podcast “Queens Memory.” As a film editor, he worked on the Oscar nominated BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD and the critically acclaimed GHOSTBOX COWBOY. Read more by Crockett Doob here – Vol1brooklyn.com – and here – www.hilobrow.com
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